She called. I'm happy. But what's wrong with her? She's like she's upset with something. But I just dunno y. I miss her. I want to talk to her. But seriously, her mood has very much affected me. I could go on and on, but not when she sounded like she dun wan to talk to me. It could just be me thinking too much, but the tone i heard was not a good one. It just made me wanted to hang the phone so much. I had a struggle with myself for a long while. Before deciding to tell her not to waste money. I was reluctant. Cos I miss her so much, but we just did it, we hung up..... A question appear on my mind. Dun she feel the same, dun she miss me and reluctant to hang up? Where's our spark?
Yes, I know we're apart, and it's sometime difficult. But why am I such a simple person, hearing her voice thrilled me, hearing her sad tone sadened me. Whatever her emotions, I could feel it, even though sometimes she denies them, but I could feel it. I am never a lyrical person, meaning when I listen to song, I do not relate to the lyrics. I relate to the melodies and beat. Hence I think I am really excellent when it comes to jusdging tones, whether its a sad song, an angry song or a happy song. So I think human tone tells me the same thing. I dun want to say I am an expert in it, but sometimes, its just too obvious. I wished I was wrong, I want to believe that I was wrong, but my brain and heart just tell me otherwise. = (
Will our flame be blown out one day? Are we being together because we think we're required to be together? or because we want to be together? For me, I want to be with her. But she seemed to have told me something like it's me or noone else. I wonder if she's really happy with me. Love is a feeling. I view them as want, more than a need. When we want something, it shows our desire. I am a marketing student, and needs to me, are nothing more than commodity. You know you'll always have this, but you do not have cravings for it, until it's out. Everyday, people takes water, air, for some, even food for granted. Because its a need, would you make special effort to get them? But a want is so much different. People are emotionally attached to the things they want. Like how some people wanted a car, they'd go look for information on it, think what they will do with it, and how they will customize it. When people wants a house, they also do the same thing. They imagine the location, the interiors, the exteriors, the neighborhood etc. People put in more efforts in wants than needs. If love is a need, then love will be a commodity. This is why when ppl say that you only treasure them when it's gone. But in order for them to have this kind of feeling, feel their importance when its still around, you have to view love as a want. Before your love runs out. Treat them as it's not yours to have, then love sparks will always be there.
She used to tell me, that love is not a charity. I totally agree. But somehow, I also felt that she's the one doing the charity. So that I could tell people, that I still have a gf. When friends talked about their relationship, I just feel like they are living in bliss, and yet they do not know it. Of course, I do not want to say that in their face. What do I know about normal relationships? I know nuts. Maybe they're better than me.
I always feel like I am on the edge of the cliffs all the time. With a hand holding on, and my legs dangling wild. She's always on top of the cliff pulling me up. But she's very slow. She thinks alot before pulling me up. And when I'm up, she pushed me back down. This cycle goes round and round, and I do not know how long i'll last. I was out of strength the last time round, when I fell. I was lucky that a branch was there to stop my full fall. Just hope it do not happen again. Darling, dun wait so long to pull me up please.... I am not that strong.... Hope she just dun step on my fingers.....
