This morning on way to uni, the car tyre was flat. 1st time seeing a spare tyre of my car, after 4 years of driving. I had to get to uni at 9 for my exams, so I called mom just to inform her. When I started to try to change the tyre myself, mom kept calling back. She was worried. But I lost temper. I lost my temper on mom. I smsed her to apologize after I reached uni, but it doesn't help me to feel better at all.
She talked abt suicide. I hope she dun do it, cos I'd hate her if she does it. I wanted to do it, becos she's not showing concern for me, I yearn for concern and love. Why would she want to do it? She think i'll be happy? Or she think her family will be happy? The reason she's not happy now becos she chose it this way. Her parents didn't make her. Nobody did. Y would she want to make ppl suffer, becos she chose to make herself suffer. There's nothing to prove by her suicide. Only her own selfishness.
Anw, nothing has been going right for me. My relationship, my work, my career, my mood. Even my mom is becoming a victim of my surroundings. Have to get sick and hospitalize, gf dun wan me to show my love and concern, today morning have to handle a flat tyre. Like my normal study workload is not already bad enough.
I always believe a man's gain is another man's lost. In my case, its my lost and her parent's gain. For her, she chose it herself, that would mean that she'd already work out her gain and loss, and decide to take the option which benefits her most.... Or maybe she think that she's a saint and doing a lot of sacrifices... Anw, I was the only external factor besides herself to be affected by her decision.
I really hope for her all the best. Do what makes her happy. Go study, go do everything u think its right and things u want to do. Dun let me be the factor of blocking ur pathway to your dreams/career/happiness.
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