Last nite, I went to bed in tears at 3am. This morning, I woke up and also found myself in tears. Me, loving her, wants her to be happy. But her style of love, is not exactly the same, her style of love is not for her to make me upset. Not for her to quarrel with me. Actually, in any case, I'm not happy. I yearn for love, yearn for contact. But before she's willing to talk to me, I must give in to her. Her ultimate goal must be achieved before she's willing, or rather, can make me happy. For her, having a man who she love, and whom love her, is simply just not sufficient.....
I understand. But how many changes do I have to make, then is enough? I'm less willing to make changes now, why? Its becos I'm jus too scared of the same cycle. Change, short happiness, long period of sadness and quarrel, change, short happiness.......... Over and over this has been played, like a broken record, just with different problems. I really think I am feeling insecure with changes I have to make for this relationship le.
I love her for who she is. She can't say the same for me. Was I taken advantage just becos I'm less willing to flare up like her ex? I hate to be thinking like this abt her. But how should I see it?
I feel like we're only gf n bf just by name le. I have gf, she has bf, but we haven't been contacting each other le. I felt like we've become a total stranger. My heart felt empty. It feel like its not in there anymore le.
As bf, I feel responsible to make her happy. She as gf, feels responsible to make herself and ppl around her happy, on the other hand, make her bf miserable. Her bf has to change so that she would be happy, then he'll be happy too. Does that sound correct or does it even sound like a relationship?
You've come in to fill my life with you, then you move out of my life leaving it all empty. Even if we're over this, it'll leave a deep scar in my life, and will take a long time for my heart to build back. Since you used this method on me now, dun u dare lose ur head on me when I decide to avoid u in future. I will definitely hang up on u. Dun be angry then. Cos the thing you're doing to me now is a million time worse than hanging up ur phone.
长痛不如短痛. If you really wish to find someone else, then pls tell me to 死心. I hate to be a spare tyre waiting to be used. Put away in the boot, under some mat, unseen or unheard.
Finally, the last thing I want to do is remind myself the unhappiness we had while reading this blog in the future. Since I dun think I'll have anything interesting to write anymore without her in my life, nor do I want this blog to become my blog. Its themed as our blog, so every entry would be made of my thoughts about you. So I've decided to stop blogging until this issue is over. I know I can do it, since I succeeded with fb, 5 more days and it'd been a month since I last played facebook on computer. This could be the last entry.
Sent from my BlackBerry® by dtac.
