Hard to understand......
I tried talking to her many times, most times now I got cold shoulder.... She seemed like she don't want to see me, nor want me anywhere near her or her family.... She called me a stalker, say she a little scared to see me....
1st time she msged me in so many weeks.... The 1st question she asked me was "U booked ur tickets?"... I asked her why she asked that... Scare that she would tell me that If haven't book then don't come.... She feels awkward seeing me... nor is she ready to let her parents know of our break ups..... Told her I booked le..... then she say nvm....
How was I to know that she was trying to offer me her voucher???? How was I to know???
Then she tell me if I don't want to talk to her then dun..... I mean.... Why would I not want to talk to her?? The main reason I wanted to go back, and especially during Valentine, is to hope that we can reconcile..... But I guess it's pretty much impossible.... She made it very clear.... I respect her decision.... I wanted to talk to her.... I wanted to stay friend... I respect her for making a decision... Even though I'm part of her sacrifice.... I respect her decision.... For that, I would remain her friend even though she hurt me so bad.....
Tell the truth, I didn't care if I died in those days.... She hurt me that bad... What made a person like me to do stupid things like trying drugs, drinking heavily, go strip clubs? Because I didn't care what would happen to me anymore.... I really don't.... All I want was to really forget her.... But after she gave me a reason I find valid, I respect her decision, and respect her as a person....
If I do not want to talk to her anymore, I wouldn't have gone the trouble of stalking her back then.... I wouldn't have approach her friends for help.... and got scolded.... I dunno how many of her friends now brand me as stalker.... And how many would spread the words around about me..... But I don't care.... All I wanted was only her to understand..... All I asked was for her to understand... But I got branded a stalker by her too.... It really hurts...
Emotions... must be kept within me.... Must try to control my emotions.....
She was my first love....She was my only love.... I hope she would not be my last love.... Else I'd be really fucked.... FML.....
