But she didn't....... I understand it's hard.... I had to do it all the time... But sometime, its not that easy... U find lots of thing you do very meaningless... especially when there's no motivation to do it....
Tip: I would always try to find motivation to do things.... I tell myself... If I dun do it, who would....
She's my happiness... whenever I dreamed of us living together, having family... I would smile. It would be her family living together with us... we smiled, we laughed, and we spend weekends together. I would drive everyone around. Travel together. Visit my family members together. People asking us when will we have children... Traveling back and forth... Go to Europe, Japan, US, Korea, Africa.. Her family choose where to go and stay.... to our homes in different countries, in different parts of Thailand or even better, different parts of the world.... I work to support them.... Support Kemp and our kids, grow old together.... Maybe it would never come true.... it feels like a far fetched dream.. But with motivation, I know I can achieve them... Maybe only half of them... Maybe just Singapore and Thailand.... Maybe she has to work in Singapore.... I'd be the only one travelling to work.... But I know, that I have my own nest to go back to....
Now, I would be reminded of how it would never happen.... She won't be MY happiness anymore... She do not share the same happiness as me....
My dream is dead.... Like all death, grieve and sorrow follows.... My happiness killed my happiness.... it's ironic..
I think she didn't want this either.... She wouldn't have to be like this if her choice wasn't me... I would have given her up if she hadn't want to be together with me a year later.... 天意弄人.... Made me crazy for her, lose her, then come together again.... made me happy and take them away again....
Maybe it's time for me to move on.... Maybe it's his will for me to move on with life... Thinking about them will not solve anything.... So easy to say... so hard to do...
