She's not looking forward towards our relationship le.... Very bland, ordinary relationship we r having... I am always excited and feel kinda nervous when I miss her, like I think I have tons of things to say to her, good happy things... But once I get into her chat windows in whatapps.... I dunno what to say.... In fact, I feel scared.... Scared of all kinds of reaction she'll have.... Scared of all her responses which would give me hints of something.... Something which would lead me to feel miserable, sore heartedness, and grieves.... Then I would begin to wonder the question.... The question of suspicion that I always asked myself..... "does she still......"....
The only thing she did for the relationship was really coming to Thailand..... Its although the most important part of our relationship, but what if Thailand flood the whole year? What if after her hdb payment starts? Will the whole relationship lies solely on what I do all alone? Once she don't come, I feel really empty....
It also feel like the main reason she comes to Thailand is shopping, I'm secondary.... The side show... The after shopping close entertainment...
But yet, I rmb the time when she put everything out there for me...... She go genting, look for internet cafe jus so we can talk..... She putting brave front when we need to be apart in airport.. She putting a birthday alarm in my phone... Her smiles when she's happy with me... She putting up with my forgetfullness... She getting worried when I Mia... It feels like its no more....
It does felt like she wants to go on for the sake of going on.... While me, going on because she wants to go on, and the only person she wants to go on with, is only me.... The only reason to hang on was to make her happy, yet the only thing I feel I'm giving her is sadness, sorrows, and fatigue....
Hang on and miserable..... Let go and miserable.... I'm going nowhere....
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