I'm alone for the whole day today. Didn't call her. Dun want her to say that I only call her because I'm alone or do I want to call her when she's busy. She has things to do. Pretty lonely, but I made it. Not effective in spending the day too. No mood for nothing. She dun need me at all. I am always the one calling. I am always the one who misses her. She used to tell me, 喜欢就说, 想念就联络. So how else should I imply this situation? I am bored, I am lonely, I miss her, but I dun want to disturb her. Rot at home in my room, do nothing. No mood. I dun feel like giving in this time. Felt like being taken advantage of too many times le. Had to change my lifestyle so I could answer her phone in the morning. Wake her up in the morning just because of her saying that 1 sentence, which i bet she dun remember le. Wait for timings just to make call to her during her free time, which sometimes i get answered like "I'm having lunch with my colleague", "Elmo is beside me" etc etc. which I never once lost temper on, or complain about. If I dun complain, does it mean she can just take advantage of it? But should relationship be filled with complaints? Should I just smile and laugh all the time even though when I don't like what she's doing?
She once asked me not to waste time, she used to tell me that when I told her I played games. It's not that I dun want her to play game at all, but getting yourself so stressed and so worried over something like game, is it really worth it? I used to be so crazy when it comes to game. I could sleep so little for it. I could even take leave just to play it. But I got over that, just because she said it. I am happy with my change, but if you show me that, then what do you want me to think? So concerned over a game. Lose temper on me when I am not happy about it some more. I could have scolded her for it, and I chose not to, ended up getting scoldings.
I am not losing temper, because I am lonely. Nor do I want to sound like I want to lose temper over something so minor as playing game. I am just not happy when you have to piss on me when I am already not happy with something and am trying to contain myself. I usually dun do this for anyone else. I even lose temper at my dad, but not her. Never her. I swear I had never lost temper at her 1st. I only lost temper when she lost flair her temper on me, and when she said something untrue about me. Hate my life, hate my feeling of uselessness when it comes to her. Feel so useless.
Anyway, if anyone is interested in knowing, I ate porridge for breakfast, for lunch and for dinner.
