I think I sucks at maintaining relationship. I really sucks. I like to say anything that's on my mind. I just say them when I thought of them. The reason of my thoughts is pretty much random. I am at fault for saying those stupid things. Really stupid.
She really do not think that I really love her. It's always very slight mistake, then she'll say that I don't love her. I forget to message her, she'll imply that I forget her. I said I felt like watching a movie, meant that I don't feel like talking to her. Negative. Very negative.
If I were to be negative, I guess I'd gave her up. When she's in Thailand, she never need to be reminded to call her home, or message her dad. But with me, she's not comfortable initiating conversation, she always gave reasons of scared disturb me when I busy, and I always tell her dun need to scared. I busy, I'll still reply. No matter how much i try to convince her that, she still won't initiate messages. Can I say that she love her family more than me? Can I say that she love herself more? Can I say that she don't love me? I can if I am negative. But I know she don't like it, so I don't. Do it for her.
I told her, I'll wait for her, I'll hang on for her. No matter how many time I said them, it doesn't matter. She don't believe me. Don't know if she understands that I gave up my dream of being a father just to say that. When I could just end it all and start anew. But I didn't. I want to do it. I want to do it for her. From 6 children, to zero. She knows I love kids. I adore kids. But for her, I give them all up. Don't know how long I have to wait, don't know if I will die before her parents, but I wait.
I may complain, but unlike her, I complain without giving up on her. She on the other hand, kept giving up on me. When I too sensitive, she says I like girl. When I do things recklessly a little like talk insensitively, it becomes that I don't love her. Have things to do, yet wasting time blogging. I know that's what she'll think, but I couldn't do anything. I am upset about her saying that I don't love her. She also know that I don't like those things, but does she care?
陪我坐東西，如果我不讓你看戯，我覺得很過分。但是讓你看戯，卻讓我覺得很羡慕。好久沒有看戯了。你不在的日子，都沒有看過戯了。等我看得DVD很多。只有買的份，沒有看的份。想看戯不代表不想和你説話。和你説話的時候就是説話，不可能邊看邊說，應為電腦太慢。和你Skype就算不説話我也不會爲了看戯挂你的電話。一點都不明白我。處處刁難我。每次都要爲難我。好辛苦。我已經很辛苦的在維持這段感情，求求你，不要再弄它跟加難維持。拜托。已經覺得自己蠢了，不要讓我覺得自己跟加蠢了。很難接受的。
